I have been trying to word all the good emotions that I have been feeling today; on the occasion of Saudi National Day. This seeems like a personal celebration of acceptance and gratitude acutely mirroring the point I find myself in my life today.
Surrounded by so many things I didn’t think I would learn to appreciate and love, yet finding myself in a place that embodied 18 years of my life. Being back here should feel like coming home?
But it doesn’t. I have not known this country like I know now. If anything the past one has made me realise how much of this country’s perks I have taken for granted. I attribute it to the fact that in my early years of adulthood when my personality was taking a weak shape I was away. Now being back here with a semi set frame of mind on what I seek in life, this place has crept on me. Into me. Like an old familiar blanket who’s comfort I didn’t think I needed.
The little things that leave me feeling warm and fuzzy in my new workplace are as simple as the common greeting of “Salam”. What’s the big deal you think?
Obviously we know Muslims use this to greet every other Muslim we meet, but did you know it’s a right we have over each other? The ease with which any patient, friend, doctor, colleague and stranger conveys this greeting walking into a room, without second thought, without any eye contact, without a handshake, instantly makes me feel connected in a respectful way. I love how much this surprised me, and I remind myself to never forget this feeling. This is a very small example of what it means to me to be here, so if you are already feeling like meh this is a gross emotional exaggeration, you can discontinue reading because it only rambles on from here.
I am highly aware of working in a place that allows me to take my prayer breaks without a squeak. It doesn’t warrant questioning or a reaction, because it’s as normal as someone taking a break for lunch elsewhere in the world. I do not have to be conscious while standing in prayer about what someone walking in or passing by is going to think of me, it’s oddly liberating.
I love listening to patients of different nationalities (Arab and Non-Arab) discuss their personal struggles and achievements here, and be at the receiving end of their good wishes and duas at the end of the appointment.
Although my work only involves assisting the head dentist, “Allah Y’ateeq Alafiya, Doktor” (يَعْطِيكْ العَافِيَ “May God give you health and all the good things” ) is every patient’s closing sentence for us both before they leave. The smallest most powerful dua is semblance to a goodbye here. Even if one of those prayers touched my life, I would be richer that most in this world.
I truly believe God puts you in the place you need to be at the right time in your life. And stepping out of the clinic each day, with the Faisaliya Tower greeting me feels like this city has accepted me and my voids into its own. We struggle together, shine together and in moments where we can take a breather, write down the stories of where we stand.
As much as I am indebted to this nation for the peace and security, health wise and others, it’s brought upon me and my family, I am not blind to it’s lacunae of weaknesses. I also totally understand why this country cannot be what it is to me, to my peers as well. I know the thought of being back here suffocates them and makes them feel like they are missing out on life. But my life seeks out these very things everywhere I go, and for it to be the norm here just seamlessly blends me in.
Every place, experience and person teaches you things you didn’t know you needed to know. And I definitely do not know where my path leads or what I will feel tomorrow, but right now; here; seems pretty darn wonderful. Alhamdulillah!
Reverse Focus 
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